Raw Sugar

I was recently called and informed by the education manager on my reserve that they will found me for one year of pre health sciences but not for my two years after that in the paramedic program. She then went on to tell me that they would be willing to found me if I did however decided to go into premed then onto medical school after this year of pre health sciences. I am not complaining, having one year of school founded is certainly better than having no school founded. I know that there are many people who scrounge around looking for money to afford to go to school. This head up does give the chance to start saving for my next two years of school, I want to leave my education debt free. However the offer to found me if I go on to medical school is awfully tempting and I must confess that I have decided not rule out becoming a doctor. Though right now my heart really is set on becoming a paramedic, I am open to the possibility of changing my plans. Now the subject of school has been a point of stress for me for the past little while. So much so that I feel myself waking up in the middle of the night (or day considering I work nights) in a cold sweat feeling like I am going to vomit from all the anxiety I hold about my future and how I am going to pay for things and weather I should go through for a medic or a doctor.

I guess what I am most afraid of here is making the wrong choice; I am in a point in my life where I know I want something better then what I have. I don’t want to be stuck working night in a casino gift shop for the next ten years, but I also don’t want to go through 10 years of schooling to become a doctor and realize I did not want that, and that I missed out on the thrill of being a CCP. Or even becoming a Critical Care Paramedic and realizing that the medical field is not where I want to be at all. What if I royally screwed up a few years ago when I got accepted for a broadcasting program and I turned it down? But at the same time when I think of this I laugh at myself, broadcasting was never where I actually wanted to be, when I look back to even when I was little I remember running around telling people I was going to be a doctor, or I was going to be Kinesiologist. Working with the human body had always been something I wanted to do. Its just hard to decide which field exactly I want to go into.

I am scared; I am scared of getting stuck in a rut of a life I don’t want. I see so many people that are not happy in the jobs and lives that they have made for themselves. A song that seems to reflect how I feel right now is Raw Sugar by Metric it is a song that to me is about being stuck, and not wanting to settle for things that people around you are settling for. About being stuck in a life you don’t want and unable to get out. I feel (even if this is not what the song is about) that it reflects the struggles I am afraid I will face if I make the wrong career choice. I don’t want to end up in a life I am unhappy with sitting around waiting for something to change as I rot away. I am most intrigued by how the singer in this song reflects upon being a girl, and what she has grown up into. I don’t want to let down the girl inside of me that has such high expectations for her life, I don’t want to disappoint myself, and be stuck some place I don’t want to be.

Anyways check it out, the song doesn’t sound very much like normal Metric but it is most certainly a solid tune and one that I have been listening to lots and lots.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3PUTbITtWI

cheers,

Abby

Easy To Love

Ever think about love? To me it is a very funny thing, it can make you feel like you have the ability to conquer the world, but it can also make you feel horrible like the world has conquered you instead. No one said love was easy, but you know what love is? It is accepting, love, real love takes you as who you are despite all your problems, it sees you as who you are and chooses to look at what some would think as flaws and sees them as the very essence of you, it wants to work with you as you work through your “problems”. True love, takes you as you are and accepts you, an it can be hard.

The thing to me that is so funny about love is that even though it is incredibly hard to do sometimes it can also be incredibly easy to do. From my past experiences I have found it is hard for me to open up and love people, and to let myself be loved back, but once one manages to tear down the barriers love is the easiest thing to do. I found that I could not stop it from flowing out of me; I found it so easy to love. There were people in my life that were so easy to love (even if they drove me crazy) it was physically painful, I just felt like my heart was going to burst and I would have an overwhelming need to bite them, or punch them, or squeeze them so tightly neither of us can breath. I mean there are still people in my life I love so much it is sometimes hard to breathe and I feel those aforementioned feelings, but sometimes the hard part of love hits and the walls get built up again, and the more they are rebuilt I find the harder they are to tear down.

Anyways just before I close the somewhat heavy thought of this post I have one more thing to say before I get to the song that made me think of all this stuff. The thing about the love that is so intriguing to me is just that it is so hard but so easy all at once, nothing seems to baffle me more then love. Apart from the basic needs, love is what we as humans crave most. It is the simplest thing we can give one another, yet it is the most complicated because there are so many different way of loving.

So there is this little indie group that I have recently discovered. Ivan & Alyosha, they have a very sweet cheery sound to them that whenever I listen to them I cannot help but smile. Through listening to their 7 song EP (called The Verse, The Chorus) it is easy for me to see (or hear) that Tim Wilson and Ryan Carbary are very dedicated to their craft, and that they seem to like simplicity, which I see absolutely nothing wrong with, sometimes simple get the job done just great. Perhaps to me the most stunning song to me on this little EP is the third track, Easy to Love. This song makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over. The lyrics are not complicated and there is not shortage on claps and drums, the gentle guitar soothes me and the whistling never fails to make me smile (I must confess to singing along, very horribly, to it on many occasions). This song feels warm and fuzzy, just like love does at the best of times. It is sweet and endearing and the vocals of Tim Wilson are always a treat on my eardrums.

I guess in the end it gives this little hope within me that one day I will have my little barriers torn down, and I will find it easy to love once again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyYgN8DHdTM

Happy listening friends

Abby

Ghosting

Greetings world.

This is a new blog, one in which I will be using to bounce my thoughts around in this world of never-ending ones and zeros. Actually perhaps I have started this off as a lie, not a very good way to start a new relationship I suppose. I am truly sorry for miss leading you; this in fact is not going to be a blog where I ponder my inner most thoughts. This is a blog that as the title hints to will be about the music of my life. I guess it is just a way to share (with whoever chooses or has the misfortune of stumbling upon) something I am passionate about but not gifted in. I might not be able to play or posses any musical talent, but I sure can listen and can appreciate the works of the people that can. So much so that I have decided to start a blog. A blog to share how these aforementioned musically gifted folks have affected my life on a day to day basis, weather it is simply a tune that makes me happy for no reason at all except happiness’s sake or a song that really resonates with a part of me and leads to some profound understanding of something that I did not understand before. Anyways my dear friends, it is a blog that is nothing more then a tool to share something with you that helps me in my life in a very real way. Maybe along the way I will get lucky and help you discover a new band, or perhaps unearth the love of a once treasured one.

So I guess, there is nowhere else to go but to my first song. For any of you who know me, you know that my favorite band is Mother Mother. For any of you that know me well you know that one of my favorite songs by MM is Ghosting (a song which I often listen to before I sleep). A song with a slightly haunting ring to it, one that makes me feel happy and sad all at once. I am swarmed with emotions whenever I listen to this song, just as I usually am with any MM song. I am not exactly sure what it is about this song that intrigues me so, weather it is the soft plucking at the beginning that seems to catch my ear whenever I listen to it, or the sad yet also hauntingly melodic voice of the over so handsome Ryan Guldemond. Perhaps it is it’s the lyrics, maybe they produce something within me that is desperate to cling to something in the past, but in the end makes me want to push forward and leave that past where it is…no one needs a ghost.

Just a little insight to you and to me on why I have an love for this song though this does not capture fully what it is and how this songs makes me feel. If you haven't heard it, you should give it a listen, here is a YouTube link for it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrIMzTvCs4M

It feels bitter sweet upon my ears, and it leaves me wanting more of it.

Cheers,

Abby.