Raw Sugar

I was recently called and informed by the education manager on my reserve that they will found me for one year of pre health sciences but not for my two years after that in the paramedic program. She then went on to tell me that they would be willing to found me if I did however decided to go into premed then onto medical school after this year of pre health sciences. I am not complaining, having one year of school founded is certainly better than having no school founded. I know that there are many people who scrounge around looking for money to afford to go to school. This head up does give the chance to start saving for my next two years of school, I want to leave my education debt free. However the offer to found me if I go on to medical school is awfully tempting and I must confess that I have decided not rule out becoming a doctor. Though right now my heart really is set on becoming a paramedic, I am open to the possibility of changing my plans. Now the subject of school has been a point of stress for me for the past little while. So much so that I feel myself waking up in the middle of the night (or day considering I work nights) in a cold sweat feeling like I am going to vomit from all the anxiety I hold about my future and how I am going to pay for things and weather I should go through for a medic or a doctor.

I guess what I am most afraid of here is making the wrong choice; I am in a point in my life where I know I want something better then what I have. I don’t want to be stuck working night in a casino gift shop for the next ten years, but I also don’t want to go through 10 years of schooling to become a doctor and realize I did not want that, and that I missed out on the thrill of being a CCP. Or even becoming a Critical Care Paramedic and realizing that the medical field is not where I want to be at all. What if I royally screwed up a few years ago when I got accepted for a broadcasting program and I turned it down? But at the same time when I think of this I laugh at myself, broadcasting was never where I actually wanted to be, when I look back to even when I was little I remember running around telling people I was going to be a doctor, or I was going to be Kinesiologist. Working with the human body had always been something I wanted to do. Its just hard to decide which field exactly I want to go into.

I am scared; I am scared of getting stuck in a rut of a life I don’t want. I see so many people that are not happy in the jobs and lives that they have made for themselves. A song that seems to reflect how I feel right now is Raw Sugar by Metric it is a song that to me is about being stuck, and not wanting to settle for things that people around you are settling for. About being stuck in a life you don’t want and unable to get out. I feel (even if this is not what the song is about) that it reflects the struggles I am afraid I will face if I make the wrong career choice. I don’t want to end up in a life I am unhappy with sitting around waiting for something to change as I rot away. I am most intrigued by how the singer in this song reflects upon being a girl, and what she has grown up into. I don’t want to let down the girl inside of me that has such high expectations for her life, I don’t want to disappoint myself, and be stuck some place I don’t want to be.

Anyways check it out, the song doesn’t sound very much like normal Metric but it is most certainly a solid tune and one that I have been listening to lots and lots.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3PUTbITtWI

cheers,

Abby